When Christmas Doesn’t Feel So Merry

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As I addressed my Christmas cards this year, it shocked me to realize how many significant losses occurred in 2021. Two of my friends lost their husbands last spring. Another is facing the first Christmas without her mom. One friend lost a sister, and another lost her brother. And my cousin’s daughter died last month. For these people, Christmas won’t feel all merry and bright.

I know some of your residents experienced losses over the past year, too. And perhaps you have a friend living in a nursing home who is also grieving a loss. That’s why I put together a list of ways we can support people through this difficult time. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently, and what is comforting for one person might not be for another.

• Offer to help with specific holiday projects. Activities like wrapping gifts, decorating, or writing Christmas letters might feel overwhelming. If they choose to cut back on these traditions this year, that’s okay, too.
• Send a pretty holiday card. If possible, include a happy memory of their loved one.
• If your friend chooses to attend holiday activities at the nursing home, offer to go along. When people around them are laughing and having fun, they’ll probably appreciate having you there for support.
• Even if you feel awkward or you don’t know what to say, please don’t avoid your grieving friend. They need to know you care.
• Let your friend take the lead in how they wish to honor the holidays. Some people choose to continue long-time traditions while others develop new traditions.
• Don’t feel you need to make things better. Grieving takes time, and often the best thing you can do is simply be there and offer a listening ear.
• Invite your friend to events, but don’t push. Sometimes we feel like we need to keep a person busy to distract them from their grief. But grieving is a healthy and necessary part of life.
• Don’t forget the grieving person when the year ends. Your friend might have lots of visitors over the holidays, but then people often disappear in January.

I know many of you have also experienced grief during the Christmas season. Please let me know what advice you would add.