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I hope last week’s post helped you better understand the dynamics of domestic abuse. We looked at the types of abuse and signs that a co-worker may be in an abusive relationship. I also shared several reasons a victim may choose not to leave her abuser.
This week we’ll consider how you can help a co-worker or a friend who lives with domestic abuse. I want to stress that every situation is unique. If you need more specific guidance on how to offer support, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. For a better understanding of why someone may choose to abuse their partner, you’ll also find it helpful to read this article.
You may notice that I refer to a woman as the victim and a man as the perpetrator. Statistically, this is the most common scenario in an abusive relationship. However, it’s essential to acknowledge that any gender can be the victim or the perpetrator.
Listen
If you suspect a co-worker may be in an abusive relationship, consider approaching her in a confidential setting. You might say something like, “I noticed_______. I’m wondering how I can help.”
Your co-worker may not feel comfortable opening up to you, but at least she knows you care. This could open the door for her to seek help from you or someone else in the future.
In most cases, the victim simply needs someone who will listen and help her find professional resources. You can also encourage her to develop a safety plan in case it’s needed.
Be nonjudgmental
While it’s tempting to berate the abuser, this may cause the victim to become defensive. Most times, the victim doesn’t want the relationship to end. She wants the abuse to end.
Offer to go along
It’s usually scary to go for help with a domestic abuse issue. Depending on your relationship, it may be helpful to offer to go along. This might mean seeing a lawyer, the police, or attending a court hearing or a medical appointment.
Believe
Many abusers present a different persona when they’re out in public. It stuns people when they learn what goes on behind closed doors.
As a result, the victim may hesitate to share personal details because of fear no one will believe them. The victim is more apt to open up when she trusts that you know what she says is true.
Save a life
I once worked with a CNA named Kathy, who moved here from another state. I knew very little about her background.
Kathy had only been here for a few weeks when she didn’t show up for work one afternoon, and she didn’t answer the phone when we tried to reach her. I remember commenting to a co-worker that I didn’t understand how someone could be so irresponsible.
The next day the police found Kathy dead in her apartment. We learned that Kathy’s estranged husband tracked her down and stabbed her multiple times.
Tragedies like this one don’t just happen on TV. They occur in real life, too. Never forget that you might be the person who can help save the life of someone living in an abusive relationship.
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