How To Support A Resident Newly Diagnosed With Cancer

This post may contain affiliate links, and I will be compensated (at no extra cost to you) when you make a purchase by clicking on my links.

The past month brought a mind-boggling array of tests, procedures, and consultations as I’ve faced my new cancer diagnosis. I started chemo, and I’m finally reaching the point where my life’s schedule is settling into a new normal.

I believe every challenge we face in life is an opportunity to learn new lessons. So, as I maneuver this new journey, I plan to look for those lessons and see how we might use them to better support our nursing home residents.

While everyone’s cancer journey is different, these are four lessons I’ve learned so far:

Acknowledge the diagnosis

I feel so blessed by the many people who have surrounded me with support during this tough time. Unexpected words and acts of kindness have brought me close to tears several times.

Yet, other people remain oddly silent. I understand. They don’t know what to say or they fear saying the wrong thing. And perhaps my sudden and unexpected illness reminds them of their own vulnerabilities.

I suspect people living in nursing homes might experience even more silence from acquaintances after a new cancer diagnosis. We might believe they’re surrounded by staff who will provide care and support, so they don’t need us. Or maybe we assume every older person can expect to develop some type of chronic illness, so the diagnosis isn’t as traumatic as it would be for a younger person.

These belief systems are far from the truth. Please don’t ignore your friend in the nursing home, and please don’t ignore their diagnosis. I hope you’ll check out these resources that help us know what to say and what not to say when a friend receives a cancer diagnosis:

What to say

What to write

Discover the best way to communicate

The other day, someone asked what type of communication I prefer during my cancer journey—email or phone calls. The question caught me by surprise, but it was so relevant. You see, I’ve developed a pesky “chemo cough” that sometimes makes talking on the phone difficult. So, for me, emails work a lot better.

For someone else, communication might be easier through text messages, virtual visits, old-fashioned mail, or personal visits. There’s also the option of online sites like CaringBridge, where we can get updates and leave supportive messages.

Let your friend set the schedule

Chemotherapy brings on a fatigue beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I believe this is common for most cancer patients undergoing chemo. That’s why it’s crucial to find out when and how much time your friend wants to spend with you.

Sometimes I love being around people. They help me stay active during my treatment, and they distract me from thinking about my illness.

But during those extra-tired hours, people sap the remaining energy right out of my soul. What I need most is to be left alone so I can rest.

Encourage your friend to be upfront about their needs. And please don’t feel offended if they say no to your offer of a visit or ask you not to stay too long.

How to offer help

I cringe to think how often I’ve said, “Let me know if I can do anything to help,” when trying to support someone with a difficult illness. Unfortunately, when feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by a cancer diagnosis and treatment, people probably won’t take us up on this vague offer.

Instead of an open-ended offer of help, consider coming up with specific suggestions. The options are endless depending on the person. Here are nine ideas to get you started when your friend lives in a nursing home:

1. Care for their plants.
2. Make a shawl or blanket for them to use during chemo treatments.
3. Help with correspondence as they let people know about their diagnosis.
4. Offer to provide rides for relatives who come to visit from out of town.
5. Bring a meal from their favorite restaurant. (Check dietary restrictions first.)
6. Offer a manicure to help them feel more attractive
7. Attend activity programs with them in the senior living community.
8. Offer to record memories for their children or grandchildren.
9. Watch a favorite movie together.

You can also give your friend an attractive notebook and encourage them to jot down ideas as they come to mind. When someone offers help, they can pull out the book and have specific suggestions right at their fingertips.

Everyone’s cancer experience is unique. I would love to hear your advice for supporting a friend in a nursing home when they face a new cancer diagnosis.