Building Friendships Through Alzheimer’s Buddies

Recently, I heard about an amazing group of young adults who call themselves Alzheimer’s Buddies. With over 300 members at 17 colleges, these student volunteers develop one-to-one friendships with people living with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia.

To help us better understand the important role of Alzheimer’s Buddies, I’m excited to share the experience of Alix Mahon, one of their volunteers.

• Please tell us a bit about your background and how you came to be an Alzheimer’s Buddy.

I started visiting nursing and assisted living communities in elementary school. My mom, who has worked for more than 20 years in this field, organized several visits through my 3rd-grade class for us to go to our local nursing home. She would pair my peers and me with a resident and bring us to the nursing home prepared to do some kind of craft, musical performance, or skit — just like a mini ABUD (Alzheimer’s Buddy).

Friends of mine from my 3rd-grade class, who are now nearly done with college or starting in their careers, still ask my mom about some of the residents. They remember how much Big John, as we called him, loved singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.” Those memories and the memories of my grandfather struggling with dementia stick with me through my life.

Once I got to Davis, one of the most commonly heard pieces of advice for any incoming college student is, “Join a club!” and that’s what I wanted to do. One of my friends told me about ABUD’s application. I was so excited I had my application in that night. I know my experiences as a young girl and emerging adult volunteering in nursing homes were direct contributors to why I became an Alzheimer’s Buddy at Davis.

• Describe an Alzheimer’s Buddy visit.

Visits vary depending on the buddy. For me, I spent two years with the same woman, so we had a routine for our visits. Early on into my time with my buddy, I found out she loved to build puzzles and that her husband was a jazz musician. I tried to combine both of those aspects of her life into our visits.

On any typical day, I would walk in, grab my name tag and find her sitting (usually) in the library. It took many months of visits, but soon, whenever I’d round the corner, she’d look up at me and a huge smile would form on her face.

She was always one for a good teasing, so no visit was complete without her teasing me about something. We’d usually sit at the library table near the window overlooking the garden, building all kinds of puzzles.

On my phone, I’d play classic jazz music that we’d sing or hum while chatting and building our puzzles. At the end of a visit, she’d pull me into a huge hug and kiss me on the cheek as if we were close family.

• What do you like best about your role as a volunteer?

I truly love everything about being a volunteer. But, if I had to choose one thing I like best, it would be those rare moments when a buddy remembers you, or something about you, or squeezes your arm to let you know how grateful they are that you came today.

We all do this because we understand how lonely and alienating this disease can be. It’s so important to provide support or a simple distraction where we can. From my experience working with individuals who have this disease, it’s easy to get sucked into the mindset that your role doesn’t matter. For this reason, the moments of shared gratitude between me and my buddy are so precious. They serve as a reminder to me of how important our roles are as volunteers.

• Describe some of the challenges you experience in your role.

One of the most recent challenges I had was when my buddy moved away. We spent so much time building a relationship together, and she had become an extremely important part of my life. I felt like she was another grandmother, but also just a close friend, so dealing with her leaving was a difficult moment for me.

After my buddy left, a new woman moved in around the same time and we became buddies. She struggled a lot with thinking she had been abandoned by her family and feeling confused from the new place. I spent a lot of time trying to redirect her thoughts with walks around the garden, participating in exercises, building puzzles or painting nails, and just talking to her.

Each time I’d come back would be an improvement from the last. This most recent time I went in, I found her walking in the garden. She couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful the flowers were and what a wonderful day it was. It has been great seeing her mood improve with each visit.

• What qualities make an effective Alzheimer’s Buddy?

The best qualities to have — hands down — are understanding, patience, acceptance, adaptability, and empathy. It takes a specific person to never waver on these qualities, no matter the circumstances, while spending time with someone who has Alzheimer’s.

I cannot count the times my buddy has told me she thinks she’s stupid or crazy because she doesn’t have the ability to function and interact like she used to. As a buddy, it is my job to accept her where she is. I also adapt our activities to fit her capabilities, so she doesn’t feel constantly agitated or useless simply because she is suffering from a disease that impairs her memory and motor function.

People with Alzheimer’s, especially, need this kind of care. It’s far too common that people with Alzheimer’s are treated as irrelevant — no human deserves that. As I read in an article one time, being able to separate the person from the patient is imperative.

• What do you wish people knew about Alzheimer’s disease?

This is something I always come back to because, as I mentioned, far too often people define individuals with Alzheimer’s by their disease. We have to remember that people with Alzheimer’s used to be nurses, doctors, mothers, fathers, etc. who all led so many other lives before Alzheimer’s.

It’s really important to remember that people with Alzheimer’s aren’t any less valuable, or any less deserving of human dignity, simply because they are suffering from a disease that greatly affects their memory and ability to function without assistance. I wish more people understood or held that mindset when working with people who have Alzheimer’s or dementia.

• How do you believe your experience with Alzheimer’s Buddies will impact your future career?

My time with Alzheimer’s Buddies will absolutely impact my future career. My experience spending time with my buddy and furthering my understanding of the disease has reinforced my desire to possibly work in this field in the future. I would love to continue working at the individual level like I am now. But I would also love to work on a larger scale to bring a better quality of life and care to all individuals with this disease.

• Is there anything else you would like to add?

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that working with individuals who have Alzheimer’s or dementia is so important. The only thing I’d like to add is my deep admiration for people who chose and continue to work or volunteer in this field.

 

Alix Mahon is a 3rd year Human Development and Psychology undergrad at the University of California, Davis. She joined Alzheimer’s Buddies at the end of her freshman year in 2017.

After reading Alix’s story, I know some of you will be interested in becoming an Alzheimer’s Buddy. You’ll find everything you need to know on the Alzheimer’s Buddies national website.