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Lately, I’ve been thinking about how different the holidays will be this year because of my cancer diagnosis. These thoughts prompted me to come up with a list of ways you can support a friend undergoing cancer treatment, whether they live in a senior living community or a private home.
As you read my advice, keep in mind that everyone’s experience with cancer is different. Offer suggestions, then encourage your friend to let you know how you can best support them.
But, first, an update. The good news is that the worst of my cancer treatment is behind me. I now need to go to the oncology clinic just once a month for lab work, an exam, and medications.
Unfortunately, my bone marrow still hasn’t bounced back to normal. As a result, my hemoglobin, white blood cell count, and platelets remain much lower than they should be.
Besides receiving shots to trigger my bone marrow to heal, I also needed another blood transfusion last month. (Again, I am so very grateful for my anonymous blood donors!) But, overall, I’m pleased with the progress I’ve made in the past eight months.
Now, here are my suggestions for supporting someone undergoing cancer treatments over the holidays:
Bring treats, but ask first
When I was going through the most brutal part of my chemotherapy, the sight or smell of certain foods brought on horrible waves of nausea. I felt so bad when thoughtful friends and family members brought me food, and I couldn’t eat it. These were foods that I ordinarily enjoyed, but they became repulsive to me.
People undergoing chemo can also experience other side effects that make it difficult to enjoy eating. These include mouth sores or a metallic taste in their mouth. That’s why I encourage you to ask your friend if it’s okay before you bring holiday treats.
Shower them with cards
I hope you’ll contact mutual acquaintances and encourage them to send Christmas cards to your friend going through cancer treatment. I know many people no longer send holiday cards through the mail, choosing instead to send online greetings.
However, I can’t begin to tell you how much I treasure every card I’ve received throughout my illness. The wonderful thing about cards is that you can pull them out and reread the uplifting notes any time you need a boost.
Create a virtual greeting
My kids did this for me on my birthday back in May, and I also believe it would make a terrific holiday project. They secretly contacted lots of family members and old friends, asking them to send a brief video greeting.
Then they put all the greetings together into one lovely video. It touched my heart greatly to see and hear these caring people offering me their encouraging messages.
Help them feel attractive
The physical changes brought on by cancer treatments often affect a person’s self-image. I lost all of my hair for about four months. My skin became dry and flaky, and wrinkles appeared in new places after I lost nearly thirty pounds during chemotherapy.
If your friend also lost their hair, consider gifting them with a pretty scarf, cap, or turban. Perhaps your friend was fortunate enough to keep their hair. If they live in a nursing home, you might surprise them with a gift certificate to the onsite beauty salon.
Another option is to help your friend with their hair and/or makeup before special events. You could also offer a manicure.
Volunteer to clean their home
This suggestion could become a sensitive issue, as it might offend some people. But, I know from personal experience that the overwhelming fatigue that comes with cancer treatment makes it difficult to keep up with housework. And, I suspect most people want their home to be clean and orderly when people visit during the holidays.
You could offer to take care of specific tasks that become difficult for your friend. This might include vacuuming carpets, dusting, or cleaning bathrooms. In a senior living community, perhaps you can help declutter closets and drawers.
Run errands
Because of fatigue or an impaired immune system, a person undergoing cancer treatment might not get out to run errands. You could volunteer to shop for groceries, pick up prescriptions, or help them shop for Christmas gifts.
Help with holiday decorating
What is usually a fun activity can become a burden during the pain or fatigue of cancer treatments. Offer to trim the Christmas tree while your friend relaxes and supervises the project. You can also volunteer to put up outdoor decorations—a task that could become a safety issue if your friend feels weak or unsteady.
Offer to address cards or write Christmas letters
One side effect of my strongest chemotherapy was peripheral neuropathy in my fingers. (Thankfully, this has since resolved.) As a result, my handwriting became shaky.
If your friend with cancer develops this problem, they may have difficulty enjoying their tradition of sending Christmas cards or letters. The fatigue of treatment also can make this project seem overwhelming. You could offer to prepare envelopes or create a pretty letter on your computer for them to mail to friends.
Plan special activities
Because of my impaired immune system, I’ll need to skip many holiday activities this year. I’m sad to think about missing concerts, meals at restaurants with friends, and services at church.
If your friend is in a similar situation, I hope you’ll come up with other special activities you can enjoy together. This might mean going for a drive to look at Christmas lights, inviting them to help bake treats at your house, or watching holiday movies together on TV.
What other suggestions can you offer to support people undergoing cancer treatments during the holiday season? I would love to see your advice in the comment section.
A note from December 14: When I arrived at the clinic for my medications today, I received a lovely surprise. A family anonymously donated comfort bags to all the patients receiving infusions in the oncology department. This sweet gesture deeply touched my heart.
The bags contained a blanket, fuzzy socks, a coloring book and colored pencils, a word search book and a pen, pocket-sized hand sanitizer, lotion, lip balm, chewing gum, crackers, bottled water, and a chocolate bar.
Perhaps you would enjoy putting together a similar bag for your friend going through cancer treatment. Of course, you can individualize the items depending on the likes and needs of the person.
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